My Knitting Badges

I stumbled upon this page a while back, and I think it is a really cute idea. So, in no particular order, here are the badges that I feel I have earned for myself.


The Proselytize Knitting badge: "A requirement for all Knitting Scouts, the recipient must do his or her bit to present knitting in a positive light, whilst at the same time avoiding all references to “hipness”, grandmothers, and yoga."

Well, it's a requirement, right? I mostly deserve this one. I talk and talk about knitting and yarn, and most of the time people seem to go "Oh, that's pretty neat!" I do lose points for mentioning my grandmother, I guess.


The I've Knit Items With No Conceivable Practical Application Badge: Recipients are those “special” campers who have knit items which somehow missed the mark of their intended application. There are probably more who are deserving of this badge than one would expect.

I really hope, given yesterday's post, that not too many of you are surprised that I am awarding myself this. The story behind this one goes, I was trying to knit my preggy friend some baby booties. My first attempt was successful, but they were made of Red Heart super saver acrylic yarn in bright red - not the prettiest things ever. So I bought some baby-weight yarn, a pretty variegated one with bright pastel shades, and cast on. The yarn had a much smaller gauge, so I figured I'd up the number of rows to make it long enough - but I didn't make it wider, so I ended up with this really misshapen... thing. It looked like a golf club cover... that a fairy threw up. Needless to say I did not bother knitting the second one...


The MacGyver Badge (Level One): The recipient must demonstrate clever use of a non-knitting tool in a knitting-related scenario. For instance, recipient has used paper clips as stitch markers, or successfully whittled and then utilized bamboo skewers as dpns.

The paper clip thing, for starters. And I've used a pen as a cable needle... It worked less than amazingly, but still decently enough for what I was doing (of course, I realized afterwards that I had a dpn I could've used... Again: dumbass.)


The Inordinately Fond of Novelty Yarn Badge: In which the recipient professes an arguably unhealthy affinity for yarn with slubs, sparkles, spangles, fur, feathery bits, and an unconscionable proportion of man-made fibre. Recipient makes no apology for the preference.

Uh, you've seen the stash, right?


And I have also decided to award myself two badges that aren't on that page (read: that I made up myself while bored at work).

The Eagle-Eye Badge (Level One): The recipient can instantly differentiate a knitted item from a crocheted item, at a distance of up to five feet. (I did this on the street today - there was a girl walking towards me on the sidewalk, and at about five or so feet I thought, That hat is crocheted!) The knitter is comfortable reading his/her own simple knitting, able to spot where a mistake has been made and quickly correct it. He/she will also openly gawk at anyone wearing a store-bought knitted item, and be able to recognize the pattern used, often muttering under their breath: "Geez, I could make that. And I could probably make it better." (Disregarding, of course, that it would be much less cost-effective, not to mention the amount of time it would take.)


The Yarn Hoarding Badge: Do I really need to explain this one?


(And in case you're wondering, the Eagle-Eye Level Two, the way I see it, consists of a knitter being able to read someone else's knitting, including cable and lace patterns; able to guesstimate gauge closely enough to do it on the fly when needed; and who, just by looking at a piece of knitting, can tell the type of fibre used, the weight of the yarn and possibly even the size needles used. Yeah, I am not there yet.)